STUPID QUERY ERRORS 101

I knew there were things wrong with the query I was working on. And, thanks to Mandy Hubbard - Query Day is Here!. My query is the sixth or seventh down in the list and, while query day is over, you can learn a ton by reading these queries and what she has to say.

We are told by "they." You know that great "they say, that..."? I subscribe to their blogs and web advice and then can get really confused at times. So, the first "they say," is that you should have the first paragraph personalized to the agent/editor you are sending it too.

One of my favorite agents states he wants to see everything. He is a nice person too, in helping people, even a total newbie to the world of blogs when I just could not get my comment posted for a test he was having. Okay, it's Nathan Bransford - Literary Agent: The 3rd Sort-of-Annual Stupendously Ultimate First Paragraph Challenge.

I had read to personalize the query but then not to try to be funny. Do I listen? No! And, yet I knew in my gut that I was trying too hard. You judge:

Dear (agent’s name)(personalized to agent)
I am writing to you because you seem to have boundless energy and enthusiasm. Why else would you put yourself through judging so many on-line contests? Okay, perhaps you are a bit masochistic too. You always say that, even if the book is not perfect for your list, “Send it to me first.” I try to follow orders.

There are TWO MAJOR ERRORS here.

1. Just being way too personal and maybe even offensive by saying he is masochistic. (There is a reason I do not work as a comic.)
2. Even though he does say, "Send it to me first." My Middle Grade Fantasy is NOT on his list. Now, that doesn't mean he would not accept it, but should I really tell the agent I would like to have represent me that my work does not fit???

Okay, dumb moments of an author, post one, is done for the day. Next post, the most important paragraph you will ever write, and getting it right!